Update on the Healing Process

We’ve just passed the 1 month anniversary of the death of my colleague.  His hometown funeral was on the Saturday after his death, and then our town/school had a memorial service on the 2^nd Saturday after.  I think that our local memorial service really marked a turning point in the healing process.  Until then, there was a huge memorial area set up in a prominent showcase in the front lobby of the school, and there was also a make-shift memorial in the hallway outside his room.  All of that was cleared away in preparation for the formal memorial service which was held in a large church near our school. 

The memorial service was attended by hundreds of people.  Most of our building’s staff members and retirees, many district administrators and former admins, many students and former students and some of their parents attended the service.  Some of our colleague’s family members also drove up from his hometown in spite of the snowy/icy conditions. 

The service was lovely and a very appropriate tribute to his life and showed how loved he was by the entire school community.  Several of his closest friends spoke in loving tribute sharing anecdotes, and several other colleagues performed musical selections, and our school’s show choir sang in his honor as well.  The group even learned a song in Spanish since that is what he taught.   The school even took down a bulletin board which had hung in his room to display at the service.  It was covered with memorabilia that he had collected over his years in that room.

I noticed a definite change in the mood at school after that service was over.  I think that once the school community was able to grieve together at this service, they were able to sort of let go and move on.  We continue to collect money for a scholarship fund in his name, and so there are regular references to him on the announcements as fund-raisers are held.  And certainly there is an air of sadness every time his name is mentioned.  I also know that individuals who were particularly close friends of his are still struggling privately with missing him.   Overall, however, it seems that many aspects of our life at school has returned to normal.  Obviously there is no way to know how much his death has impacted the individuals who knew him the best and worked closely with him daily.  I’m sure there are still students of his who struggle with walking into his room every day. 

I’m sure each situation like this is different in the specifics, but it seems to me that the general healing process for a large group of people probably follows a pattern.  I really didn’t know what to expect.   It has been interesting to watch the grieving process from sort of a close-distance.  Perhaps focusing on the larger process was my own way of dealing with this tragedy.  I’m sure that not a day has gone by yet that I have not thought of him at some point.