It's been a week. Now what?
My initial feeling of guilt and my reaction of wanting to do "something" resulted in my charging up an old Facebook account that had been dormant for some 7 years or so. I actually asked a few people to "friend" me. I was thinking that by being on Facebook I could see the social movement that is fueling the protests and the movements for change. I signed the Change.org petition. That's something, right?
Facebook isn't looking so attractive to me anymore. The more I think about it, the more I realize that Facebook is fueling the hatred and not doing much to fuel calm. I need calm. I want to know what's going on, and I want to get more involved in something positive for change, eventually, but right now I want calm. I want my happy life back.
One of the things I told Hubs last week was that I'm not going to let other people who made bad decisions ruin the good life I have. Right now, THAT is more important to me than anything else.
There are 59 million people in this country that scare the crap out of me right now. I'm not sure what to do with that fear. I'm not sure how to stay positive.
I am trying to stay busy. I'm trying to lose myself in the busy work of school and home and shut out the fear I have. It works for awhile each day. I am trying to distract myself by doing things I enjoy like watching my new favorite show on TV (This Is Us). That works for awhile. I'm trying to walk out in the beauty of the fall season around me. That works for awhile. I keep trying to tell myself that there are more sane people than crazy people in this country, and the sane ones are going to prevail. That works for awhile. I have to keep believing that good things will happen. If I don't believe that, then my happy life isn't happy anymore. I am an optimistic person by nature. I always have been.
So that's "now what". Optimism in the face of fear.